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I went to the 7-Eleven right across the street from campus yesterday to get a slurpee (you know the one located at 1661 E Colorado Blvd) and left empty-handed, sticky, and disgusted.

The first thing I noticed when I entered the 7-Eleven, besides the fact that none of the workers greeted me, was that the slurpee machine was empty. No wild cherry, no Coke or sour grape slurpees, just complete emptiness.

The slurpee machine was lit up like the Christmas tree the Grinch stole, as all of the buttons that say, “Do not use when lit,” were indeed lit.

I then noticed the sound my shoes were making as I walked away in disappointment, as the entire floor was sticky and wet. Sure, there were a couple “caution: wet floor” signs, but they were laying flat on the floor next to some wet rags.

The soaked floors were similar to the first 10 rows of seats at SeaWorld, also known as the splash zone.

The trash and filth on the floor reminded me of my childhood, when I would watch “Elmo’s Adventure in Grouchland.” Speaking of children, you wouldn’t have to worry about losing yours here, because all you would have to do to find your child would be follow their trail of footprints on the

floor.

I guess it made sense that people were just throwing their trash on the floor or leaving it on the counters, as the trash cans did not have trash bags in them.

If I wanted a donut, I would have to take my business elsewhere, as the donut case shelved three donuts that looked as if they had been there since NSYNC released their last single.

Directly across from the barren donut case was a display case where there were pictures of chicken wings and burgers. If you think there were actually any burgers or wings inside, you’d be wrong. In fact, there was only one pepperoni pizza inside.

My favorite part of this 7-Eleven, which really sets itself apart from other 7-Elevens I have visited, was the giant brown lump of slime growing on the wall behind the soda fountain. It reminded me of “The Blob,” if the blob got a tan.

This particular 7-Eleven reminded me of Kevin Federline. It just gave up on itself. It needs an intervention, as I have seen houses on Hoarders that are better kept than this place.

Not only does the floor need a deep cleaning, the shelves need restocking, there should be at least one working slurpee machine, and it would be nice if there was at least some level of customer service provided. A smile, a “welcome” and a “have a good day” really do go a long way.

I, for the life of me, could not figure out what the four employees who were just standing around were doing. Definitely not greeting customers, mopping, or restocking.

As much as I would like to say this is the last time I will be going to this 7-Eleven, I would like to visit the blob on the wall in the future to see if it has grown.

This 7-Eleven gets 0 out of 5 slurpees. Just like me.

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